bad habits

Today is Saturday and yesterday was Friday. I'm starting to not like July Fridays.. So words have been said yesterday and I wish I could have said more. Don't you hate it when you can't think on the spot but when the situation has been done for quite awhile, you know what to say? Yes, I do. I remember this one time we were at Jackson, and I lost too much money. You were mad at me for losing so much. It wasn't even your money but you were mad. That day I could careless about money, or losing. I cared more about you being mad at me. You showing that you cared for me so much made my day, even though I lost too much money to mention. That attracted me more towards you. I don't know why I'm attracted to the ones that are the most difficult to obtain. Well, actually, I think I have a clue. This one half black half white man with a big forehead once told me that the hardest to obtain is always the ones that are so worth it in the end. I admire that guy. Truthfully, it hurts to let go. Once these feelings are in me, they take forever. Even ask my roommate, he's seen me through out the years. I said some deep things last night when I was high, wish I could remember. I don't regret telling you at all though. I just wish things turned out differently, even if the slightest would do. This is the first time I've spilled to anyone, so I don't really know what else to do. Now it feels like a lowkey downfall. Every time a downfall like this happens, I tend to crawl back to the bad habit and pick up a new one every time. I'm afraid I'm going to get addicted to stogs. I used hate stogs. Now... I don't know... I need something to do, to relax, and to get my mind off things. Last time, I picked up blazing. I don't even know if I can ever see you, because I know even though if those feelings go away... As soon as you come back in my life, the feelings sure will follow. We had such a great friendship, and I'm sorry that I messed that up. Maybe I'll drop by sometimes..